Child custody

In Part I of this article, I discussed some questions to ask a lawyer at an initial consultation. Those questions related to the law and how it applies to the facts of your case.

This second part of the article deals with the other questions to be asked. Those questions relate to the lawyer’s credentials and the kind of attorney/client relationship you can expect to have with the lawyer.

Specifically, you want to find out the following:

1. The lawyer’s experience in the area of family law
2. Whether and how support staff and other lawyers may be involved in your case
3. The lawyer’s billing practices
4.  Specifics of how the attorney/client relationship would work

1. Experience in family law

You want a lawyer who has devoted at least 50% of his/her practice to family law, for not less than 5 years. It’s not necessary that the lawyer handle only family matters. In fact, an attorney with a more varied background may be better equipped to deal with estate, property or bankruptcy issues that might arise.

Also important is the kind of family law experience a lawyer has. The great majority of divorce cases are settled without need for a trial. Thus, you want an experienced negotiator. But at least in traditional “court-based” cases, you also need an experienced trial lawyer. That’s because even in cases that ultimately settle, there can be contested hearings on matters such as temporary support or custody, or depositions. These proceedings require litigation skills.

Finally, distinguish between “experience” and “credentials.” Diplomas from top law schools are impressive. I know this because some of my friends have them hanging in their offices, and it impresses me. But diplomas don’t guarantee a quality lawyer. Some of the finest lawyers I know went to law schools you never heard of. And the longer a lawyer has been out of law school, the less relevant that school is. Sound judgment and problem-solving skills result more from experience than legal pedigree.

2. Whether and how support staff and other lawyers may be involved in your case

If you decide to hire a member of a firm, you want that lawyer—not a partner or associate attorney—to handle the significant aspects of your case such as contested hearings and settlement negotiation. If a lawyer seems hesitant to make such a commitment, find another one who feels your case is important enough to remain personally involved with it.

Law firms usually have ample support staff, but not always. Ask about the availability and experience of associate attorneys, paralegals and legal assistants who may work on your case, and what exactly they will be doing.

If you hire a sole practitioner, the quality and role of support staff become even more important. You want your solo attorney to have experienced staff capable of answering your questions and handling routine matters that arise when the attorney is unavailable. Legal secretaries and paralegals, however, should not be making decisions regarding your case, so discuss with the lawyer how all that will work. While you’re at it, make sure that you won’t be billed for secretarial/clerical tasks such as scheduling, photocopying, and responding to billing inquiries.

3. The lawyer’s billing practices

Make sure you receive a letter that clearly states the details of your fee agreement before you pay your retainer.

Read the agreement carefully and be sure you understand it. Your lawyer won’t be shy about billing you under the agreement, so don’t be shy about asking about it.

One key but frequently overlooked aspect of billing is the “billing increment.” Many lawyers bill in increments of 1/10 of an hour, which means that the smallest amount for which you will be billed is six minutes worth—even for a 3-minute phone call. (This is a good reason, by the way, to wait to call your lawyer until you have more than just one question to ask.)

However, some lawyers charge a minimum of 2/10 of an hour or even a quarter of an hour for each service rendered. That can make a big difference. For example, a 3-minute phone call to a $450/hr. lawyer who charges in increments of .1 hours will cost you $45.00. The same call to a $350/hr. lawyer who charges you .2 hours will cost you $70.00!

Finally, make sure that the fee agreement provides that any unused portion of your initial or subsequent retainers will be returned to you.

4. How will the attorney/client relationship work?

I hate it when people don’t respond to my calls, emails, texts or my hollering outside their office building after they haven’t responded to one of my more traditional attempts to contact them.

Some lawyers are notorious for not responding to their clients. Ask how quickly the lawyer will get back to you. If the response time exceeds 24 hours, consider going elsewhere. There’s no sense retaining a lawyer who you already know is gong to drive you nuts.

Also, find out on what tasks you might save money by doing them yourself. Tell the lawyer that you would like to do some things that you might otherwise have to pay for, like scanning and organizing documents.

Finally, ask how decisions will be made in your case. Generally, clients set goals and attorneys decide how to achieve them. To the extent you can identify your goals at this early stage, ask the lawyer to comment on them. Reach an understanding that the two of you will agree upon a (written) list of goals before settlement negotiation begins.

Listen not only to the responses the lawyer gives, but also to the tone of them. As mentioned in Part 1 of this article, try to get a read on the lawyer’s “emotional intelligence,” which includes qualities like empathy and perspective.

A good working relationship with a lawyer requires mutual respect. Find out before you sign up if such a relationship is in the cards.

Learn more about how to maximize results and minimize costs
in Larry Sarezky’s new book Divorce, Simply Stated

Finding an experienced family attorney with whom you “click” dramatically improves your prospects for achieving your divorce goals.

With the possible exception of your current spouse, let’s assume you are a good judge of people. Let’s further assume that you’ve read a blog or 2 on how to choose a divorce lawyer. Finally, let’s assume you’ve listened to your friends bitch endlessly about their lawyers.

All of that should enable you to choose a lawyer for yourself, right?

Not quite.

You need to ask two kinds of questions at an initial interview with a divorce lawyer:

The first type of question relates to the law and how it applies to your case. These are the questions that have been rattling around your brain loudly enough to wake you up at 3:00 AM every night. Like “will my kids be all right?” And “will I be able to keep my house?” And “can I keep my entire pension?”

At the interview stage, no lawyer can say precisely how your case will be resolved. But an experienced family lawyer should be able to give you a range of likely outcomes on key issues. Those issues typically include:

• • Whether your case calls for spousal support and if so, the range of likely amounts and the length of time they will be paid
• • What property is considered “marital property” that will be divided, and the approximate percentage of marital property each spouse is likely to receive
• • How child-related issues such as custody and allocation of time with the children are likely to be resolved in light of the children’s ages, the parents’ availability to be with the children and the historical allocation of responsibilities between the parents
• • The lawyer’s best projection of likely outcomes regarding “case specific” questions such as
  • • Whether your home might need to be sold and if so, when
  • • If your spouse is self-employed, how much can reasonably be done to determine his/her actual income for support purposes
  • • To the extent possible, how long the case should take and a ballpark of likely legal fees both (1) if the case settles, and (2) if there is a trial

You can increase the value of the lawyer’s advice by bringing some key documents to the consultation, namely:

• • Your last 3 income tax returns
• • 3 years of corporate returns for any incorporated business (other than “S corporations”) owned by you or your spouse
• • A “net worth statement;” a fancy name for a list of what you own (assets) and what you owe (liabilities)

Also, work on an estimate of your living expenses prior to the consultation, particularly costs associated with your current home. If you’re feeling particularly ambitious, take a shot at filling out the expense section of the “financial disclosure statement” or “financial affidavit” that you’ll find on your state court system’s website.

During the consultation itself, pay close attention not only to what the lawyer says, but how she says it. Does she respond fully to your questions? Are the answers stated with confidence? Is she easy to understand? These kinds of questions relate to a lawyer’s emotional intelligence, a critical factor that is too often overlooked by clients who are understandably focused on legalities.

Lawyers generally bring their touchy-feely A-game to an initial interview. If the lawyer appears distracted or impatient at this early stage, that’s more likely to get worse than better as your case progresses.

You’re not looking for a new BFF at an initial consultation but you do need to feel comfortable enough with your lawyer to be able to work with her and ask her questions during your case. We all know people who just aren’t on our wavelength. Make sure your lawyer isn’t one of them.

The second category of questions to ask at an initial interview relates to the lawyer and the attorney/client relationship. Those questions can be divided into 4 categories:

1. The lawyer’s experience in family law
2. Whether and how support staff and other lawyers may be involved in your case
3. The lawyer’s billing practices
4. Specifics of how the attorney/client relationship would work

In Part 2 of this article, I’ll discuss these inquiries in detail.

Larry Sarezky, Esq.

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“Divorce, Simply Stated,” Award-Winning Lawyer/Filmmaker’s New Book, Provides Advice to Reduce Burdens of Divorce

Veteran divorce attorney Larry Sarezky’s new divorce “how-to” book provides rarely discussed strategies for easing the financial and emotional burdens of divorce. Includes tips on controlling legal expenses, reducing anxiety, and avoiding the most damaging divorce mistakes.

Veteran divorce lawyer and mediator Larry Sarezky has announced the release of his new book, “Divorce, Simply Stated.” It’s a unique “how-to” book of divorce basics supplemented with rarely discussed techniques for achieving more, worrying less and saving money in divorce and other family court cases.

Referred to as “simply the best book of its kind” by American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers past president Arthur Balbirer, “Divorce, Simply Stated” explains principles of divorce law, procedure, and finance in an unusually clear and conversational manner. The book also focuses on how to select, afford, and work with the most appropriate divorce professionals for each individual case. In addition, there’s practical advice for divorcing spouses on caring for themselves and their children during divorce, and avoiding the dysfunctional conflict encouraged by our courts’ adversary system.

Sarezky is a past Chair of the Connecticut Bar Association’s Family Law Section whose clients have included Fortune 500 CEO’s, MLB Hall of Famers, and Oscar, Grammy, and Emmy winners. He has lectured to lawyers, judges, and therapists throughout the U.S., and his legal commentaries have appeared in The Huffington Post and numerous other publications.

In recent years, Sarezky has made a second career of reducing the financial and emotional burdens of divorce, especially for parents and children.

“I wanted to offer more than the standard divorce how-to book but at the same time, not drown readers in more information than they need,” says Sarezky. “At this point in my career, I felt the need to share the strategies that have helped my clients achieve their goals and avoid the mistakes that plague too many divorcing spouses.”

To that end, the book includes unique features such as a chapter called “Divorce Pearls & Perils: Secrets of Saving Money and Avoiding Mistakes” and another on “Divorce Fact-Checking,” which debunks divorce myths that Sarezky has seen prevent divorcing spouses from achieving their goals.

Saving money is a major theme of “Divorce, Simply Stated.” Not shy about poking fun at his colleagues—or sharing their secrets—Sarezky explains lawyers’ billing practices and how to avoid huge legal bills that compound — rather than solve — clients’ problems. He also discusses additional opportunities for savings, including taking advantage of special divorce tax rules and a “be-your-own-paralegal” strategy for readers to organize their own cases much the way trial lawyers do.

“The nuggets in the chapter on ‘Divorce Pearls and Perils’ alone will save you thousands of dollars — and your sanity!” says California attorney Terry McNiff, author of “Picture Your Divorce to See The Right Decisions.” Adds Joanie Winberg, CEO of The National Association of Divorce for Women and Children, “This book is a masterpiece! Only Larry Sarezky could have written a book with all the divorce essentials plus priceless strategies not found anywhere else.”

If you have any questions regarding information in these press releases please contact the company listed in the press release. Our complete disclaimer appears here

Further distinguishing “Divorce, Simply Stated” from other books on the subject are a multitude of tips from a divorce insider on maximizing results while minimizing acrimony, touches of humor, and a holistic approach to help readers cope, organize, relax, and even sleep better. To all of this, Sarezky adds personal touches like the illustrations by his 9-year-old granddaughter designed to keep separating parents focused on their children’s real needs as they move through and beyond divorce. To learn more about “Divorce, Simply Stated,” visit
www.DivorceSimplyStated.com.

Sarezky’s other efforts to ease the burdens of divorce include his nationally acclaimed Telly Award-winning custody film, “Talk To Strangers.” The 25-minute dramatic film is in use throughout the U.S. and abroad to dissuade parents from pursuing unnecessary custody and other child-related litigation. It is accompanied by a guide to help separating parents co-parent productively.

“Watch it and learn!” declares Harvard’s Alan Dershowitz about the film, which was created to “bring parents to their senses.” “Both the film and the pocket guide are wonderful!” adds Dr. Robin Deutsch, a past president of The Association of Family and Conciliation Courts. “The voices of the children speak louder than any educational program…” Details about the film can be found at www.ChildCustodyFilm.com.

Coming soon from Sarezky is yet another aid to better divorce, “Become Your Own Star Witness,” an audiobook on testifying in family court. Applying his extensive courtroom experience, Sarezky explains and illustrates with numerous question and answer examples, the rules and tactics family court litigants can use to improve their case results. “Become Your Own Star Witness,” is scheduled for release in May. More information can be found at www.WitnessTutor.com.

Larry Sarezky, Esq.

“What the world needs now is love sweet love,
It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.”
– Burt Bacharach / Hal David

Not to nitpick, but love isn’t the only thing the world has too little of. Empathy, a key component of emotional intelligence, is also in short supply. And empathy is particularly important during divorce where run-away emotions can delay what you and your children need most: a speedy and fair resolution of all issues.

Spouses who use empathy to understand and identify with each other’s emotions and attitudes have the upper hand in settling their cases. Borrowing from another lyric, if you can “walk a mile in [your spouse’s] shoes,” you’re likely to reach “yes” that much quicker, easier and cheaper. Try to experience emotions and attitudes such as anxiety or entitlement that your spouse might be feeling about certain issues. The insights you gain can be of great help in resolving issues in dispute.

Let’s say your children will be living principally with you. Recognize that your spouse may be afraid that his/her time and relationship with the children will be unreasonably limited. First, tie into your own emotions. Imagine how you would feel as the “out-parent” worried about missing too much of your kids growing up. Don’t just think about it; try to feel it. Then use the insight you gain to address your co-parent’s concern without compromising the children’s interests. In this example, you might suggest a settlement agreement provision giving your co-parent a “right of first refusal” (ahead of third-party caretakers) to have the children if you become unexpectedly unavailable. Or suggest “virtual visitation” via Facetime, Skype, etc. to supplement actual time.

Similarly, if you are the primary earner in your family, anxiety over financial security may cause your spouse to demand an unreasonably large amount of spousal support. Understanding and feeling that anxiety by thinking about one of your own big worries will help you avoid over-reacting to that demand. And the insight you gain can help you come up with ways to reduce your co-parent’s anxiety. For example, a spouse’s focus on long-term financial security might mean that he/she would accept a smaller support amount for a longer period. Or, if your spouse is more concerned about covering expenses in the short-term, a larger amount for a shorter period may do the trick.

What your world needs now is for you and your spouse to understand and respect each other’s needs and fears, and to use that knowledge and sentiment to move quickly toward a fair resolution of the issues in your divorce.

This article is based on material in Larry Sarezky’s new book
Divorce, Simply Stated available at www.DivorceSimplyStated.com
Learn how to keep children off the custody battlefield with Talk to Strangers, the Telly-Award winning short film and accompanying parents’ guide available at www.ChildCustodyFilm.com
© Laurence Sarezky 2016